Tigers and Cranes

in 2004, directors Tsutsumi Yukihiki and Kitamura Ryuhei were challenged by the producer Kawai Shinya to produce a film with only two actors, filmed within a span of one week. one was “Aragami”, and the other was 2LDK by tsutsumi.

So, you have this image in your mind that Japanese girls are these nice, polite people, do you? Then you owe it to yourself to check out this demented, yet unintentionally hilarious film about two young actresses who are, let’s say, not so nice to each other.

Lana, played by Nonami Maho, is a has-been-around actress who desperately needs a hit film to continue her career. Nozomi, played by Koike Eiko, is a movie industry rookie, who’s hoping to make it big in the world of Japanese film in Tokyo. They are both thrust into a same apartment, a 2LDK (2 bedrooms, living room, dining room, and kitchen) as they wait for that phone call from the film company announcing who would get the leading part to the movie “The Yakuza’s wife”.

Lana is what some might call a party girl; urbane, knows many guys, and has an expensive taste in jewelry and clothes. She’s starred in many B-movies, some of which she’s not very proud of…and she showed such promise earlier! She’d won many beauty contests, including the “milky skin contest” among myriad others. She obviously feels like her career has gone nowhere and this is her last chance to make it big.

Nozomi, on the other hand, hails from a small island of Sadogashima, a kind of a backwater town. She did however, excel in her studies, and parlaying her education, she hopes to break into the acting biz. Unfortunately, she is kind of a neat freak, going so far as to label each individual eggs with either “La” for Lana, and “No” for nozomi, annoying Lana who takes a dim view of her strict adherence to the “house rules”.

Things start to get awkward when it’s discovered that both girls have the cutes for the same guy, and already under much pressure from having to compete with each other during the audition, they are now competeing for the same guy too.

Things turn ugly between the two, and they begin subtly dishing out verbal aggression at each other, and it escalates to a full on mano-a-mano war using every imaginable household items.

To wit, some of battle implements:
swords, trophies, eggs, electrocution, sais, tatami mats, bathroom cleaner spray, fire extinguisher, and my personal favorite, a toilet tank lid.

This film is a pure mayhem, and some of the things that Lana and Nozomi do to each other is extremely brutal, yet at the same time one can’t help but to laugh because it’s just so over the top and cruel. So of course, i laughed heartily at these scenes. Hm. i might be the only one, though, as their attacks on each other grow in savagery and relentless inventiveness.

The entire movie lasts a bit over an hour, and in that time you hear the thoughts of both Nozomi and Lana as they diss each other for being alternatively a hick, an ignoramus, anal retentive freak, inconsiderate hair leaver in the bathroom, and the like. The movie does hint at what gnaws at the two girl’s insecurities, and Lana’s insecurities are a revelation, whereas Nozomi is well, just uptight. Throughout the entire film, the viewers see nothing but inside of this one apartment, and no one else but these two aspiring actresses. But somehow, none of that matters, as the action is relentless and punishment dealt out by Lana and Nozomi borders on superhuman.

But i have to ask, where the hell did they get the chainsaw?

It’s almost pointless to ask who wins this brawlfest. In one scene a battered and beaten Nozomi asks equally tattered Lana “Senpai, we should team up.” Lana sneers back at her “What, do a comedy duo or something? I’d rather die.”

it’s a film full of violence and mayhem, so viewer discretion is advised.
7.5 out of 10